My Daily Rant - 4.10.08 - Oprah is the Man.

Ahh today was actually nice out until it got cold for no reason as if it normally does and then hit the crapshoot as it plummeted to non-black favorable conditions. Needless to say the white girls were walking around half-naked like they normally do and as black people, we were needlessly over dressing.

The Hispanics?

I do not know normally they fall in along with what ever each extreme is doing.

O yea I have not filed my taxes yet SO STOP ASKING ME.

No one is asking me but I wonder what happens if I do not file them. Is Dick Cheney going to come and show me Lil Dick?

(I am talking about his son. You people are dirt – tee.)

Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

Now I am not a “mother’s boy” nor do I claim to be one. However when I was growing up it was always me and my mother since no one cared about my sister, Melinda, and ladies have been attracted to me ever since I was young. I watched what ever my mother watched until Power Rangers came on and then it was a different story for me all together. One thing that I have learned from those experiences and something that has changed my live-forever is

Never. NEVER fuck with Oprah.

I had to break out the curses for that one. Oprah is the reason why I am sitting here writing these rants. If Oprah did not tell my mother how to raise me, I would be a statistic (that is a joke people). Oprah has the right to have extremely outlandish and crazy people on her show because she is Oprah. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have found a person GREATER than Chris Brown. Oprah is that woman.

Oprah does not have to marry Stedman because she can have who ever she wants. She is the ultimate definition of bi-sexual. Now I am not saying that Oprah is attractive (but I would SO scale that boulder believe me people ANY day of the week) but purely because of her money. Think about it. How many of you self respecting non-smut like girls would make sweet sweet computer love to Bill Gates on the laptop of his choice? Everyone reading this will for one simple reason –

The man is filthy rich. He has money hanging out of his asshole (ROSS).

Oprah had a pregnant “man” on her show. Man is in quotations because he was technically a transvestite and “he” felt better has a man. Now Oprah is not like Tyra Banks who has transsexual porn stars on her show; no, Oprah is the apex of classiness. She has a pregnant man.

(Now that I think of it. A baby defiantly CANNOT fit through any hole in my body. Wtf is going on here?)

Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on the couch because he was sexually frustrated (Scientologists are not allowed to have sex. But they are allowed to pet! [think about it])? Well everyone called Tom Cruise crazy and NOT Oprah because she is a THAT woman.

We are also forgetting that since Oprah is amazing she also has the ability to screen her weight. Only people with great skills can determine the undeterminable (especially with Oprah. If I had that kind of money I would eat Chinese food off of Tibetan hookers [ouch. Too Soon?]). Tmorrow on her episode she will be skinny and defiantly attractive. The next day she will be wide as a good year blimp.

I will slash my tires for that!