My Daily Rant - 4.11.08 - Erections In Class

Hello and how is everyone doing today? Today was the first nice day in New York for a long time. I hope everyday is like this so we can actually act like a college here at St Johns.

Therefore, I guess we should get this started. Right now, I am watching Superbad. I think its hilarious that Seth Rogan will not ever make another funny movie. Sucks for him.


Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

Superbad probably touches on the lives of many teenagers. Not only for the fact that they represent bullying just as well as other movies like Kids and Bully they also represent how horny the true teenage boy is. This rant is not going to talk about how often we are our own best friends or our own love partners; no, this is going to discuss how it sucks being in high school and horny at the same time.

Lets keep in mind that with my new vision of PG-13 blogs this will not be as vulgar as you expect it to be but I will try my best. The women will be left out of this blog because well

I am not a women and I would not know their true perspectives on being horny in class.

Moving on, going to a Catholic School scares you enough into thinking that that temple your body is supposed to represent is actually a Frat house. Alcohol in (and if you are a whore, random people) alchohol out. This is not because of the extremely conservative and one-sided teaching we receive, it is because of the parties that go on.

Although these parties are intense it does not pertain to the main heuristic that I am trying to describe here. When in high school no boy in the class is EVER truly focused on the matter that is being taught to you. I have been on the verge of failing classes (WAHOO failed French) and I still drifted off into sexual space.

Sexual space? What is that you may ask? Well sparky, it is the place where your mind drifts to when,

A. The class you are in is boring.
B. The girl in front/back/side/diagnol/across/ of you is hot.
C. There is no c.

It has become an art for the American teenager to hide Mr Bonifus Erectus from rearing its ugly one eyed head. When Seth Rogan announced that he flipped Mr Erectus into his elastic waste band it was ENTIRELY believable. In public school you are allowed to wear what ever you want so that must have been a great technique.

Since I went to prison school (catholic), we wore uniforms so we did not have this elastic waste band to place Mr Erectus. Instead, what I did in high school was picked a side for Erectus to lay his head and stuck with it. I did not move him or touch him; all I did was just chill in Sexual Space.

Now I know every man reading this has had this problem (Britney you too). Have you ever been in class and the bell rings because it is time to go but you still have a full fledged hard as a hammer rock breaker erection? We all know that you sit uncomfortably jiggling and jiving so things can go down. You instantly think gross thoughts –

Sex Rosanne
Three Some with Rosanne
Rosanne
The fat weird girl that’s into Hairy Potter.

We know every man is guilty for going and doing all of these measures in high school.

But,

A good senior prank would be to get everyone to pop Viagra and see the effects.

Magnificent eh?