Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.
O yes, Kills and Thrills - Showstopper is out. www.myspace.com/killsandthrills
Hit I Like! Thanks!
I am not going to sit here and act as if I like my job. No one actually likes their job and no one likes going to work every day. I mean, who enjoys dealing with people? Or sitting behind a desk? Or spreading ones legs for money? Or eating 43 hotdogs for money? Or giving kids F’s for money (not me…3.7 baby!)?
I love my job. For all those who do not know I work at the ever so popular Gamestop. To all the females that are looking at the screen like this right not -> 0.o? it is the store you walk into with your boyfriend/brother/lesbian friend.
Now there are many things that give me guilty pleasures. We all know what those are and everyone partakes in them. I mean, as I write this my little brother is yelling the following at the tv –
“I fucking hate cops. DIE DIE DIE.
Where did the explosion come from?
WHAT THE FUCK THEY GOT A HELICOPTER.
Sean Bell Asshole!”
Keep in mind he is only kidding but right now he is playing Grand Theft Auto. Now there are many things that is going on right now that he should not be yelling, but he is having a good time.
That guilty pleasure can be described as watching someone cry while listening to “My Immortal – Evanescane (sp?)” and just turning that hunk of crap off and playing “Ruff Ryders Anthem – DMX”. I mean everyone loves doing it but no one wants to admit to doing it. Everyone has made fun of someone when they were down; everyone has poked fun in the crowd; a select few people have shaved various things into peoples heads while wasted and in a bathtub; everyone has laughed when someone gets hit in the nuts.
Not me though, I have nuts of steal.
I am all about being subtley condescending and screwing someone out of their pleasure. For example, I have to card every parent that comes in to buy an M-Rated (like a rated R movie) for their child. Now, when I do this I must read to them what is in the game that makes this M rated. Now lets remember that at this moment this 12 year old kid is staring into my face thinking –
“If this kid screws my ability to blow cops up, I am going to kill him. Right after I pleasure my self for the 8th time today”
Now for this kid it is like life went into slow motion. I am sitting there with my beautiful smile and ever glistening caramel (yea ok.) skin holding this game and is about to bring the Gamestop hammer down on his life. Now the parent is looking at me like I am the man that is about to save their kids from being exposed to the drugs, sex, violence, prostitution in this game and further improve their life.
Too late. That kid has already seen enough of that in between pleasure sessions to kill a female horse. By breaking its ankles.
Ouch. Too soon? (if you get that we are on the same page)
Now here is what the game actually has in it –
Blood, Intense Violence, Partial Nudity, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, Use of Drugs and Alchohol.
Now here is what I tell the parents.
Blood, DRUG PEDDLING, Intense Violence, GRAPHIC GORE and EXECUTIONS OF LITTLE ASIAN CHILDREN WITH THE CUTE BLACK BEADY EYES, Partial Nudity, FULL FRONTAL VAGINAL, PENIAL (makes it sound legit)NUDITY, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content, FULL SEX SCENES Use of Drugs and Alcohol FUCKING HEROIN.
. DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS DOING FUCKING HEROIN?!?!!!!??.
Now most of the time the parent sits there in horror and looks at the kid and says…No. The kid then starts pouting at the fact that I just screwed his chance of being cool with his friends. I think this is hilarious. So many little kids HATE me for this.
This does not always work though. Sometimes the parents just say w.e and let their kids have it. But sometimes the parents do not speak English and most of the time they speak Spanish. Now, I applaud these kids because they are very smart people here. The mother then looks at the kid and asks what I said. The kid tells the parent just to say yes and the parents says yes. But that does not work against me. I took 8 years of middle school Spanish little man! Get that shit outta HERE! Four words kill this kids fun –
Mucho Sexo, Mucho Violencia.
Seeyoulater.com. The mother then smacks the kid for lying to her and storms out of the store. You have no idea how good that feels sometimes.