SETTING Phillip’s 8th Grade Graduation Ceremony
FOCUS I am an asshole
Well if you read my brilliant account of going to my sisters graduation you already know that I am an ass. Plain and simple. Now if we were to describe what kind of ass I would be it would have to be Megan Good. Yea. That sounds good.
Now I love my family but I completely dislike family events. I mean yesterday I spoke on my inebriated friends hitting on my sister which I was not exactly to fond of. Let us get started.
The graduation is in a church and I am a very pious kid so there fore I practiced the utmost respect –
During the mass but during the actual graduation? Bam!
I start watching these kids progressing towards the benches I must say – these kids are giants. In all seriousness these kids are all taller than me. I do not know what is sadder, the fact that these kids are all taller than me, or that they are all wearing way to much makeup. Another star in my life, my father, again starts to clap for random people as they are called.
What is his problem?
He is sitting here cheering his ass off for pre-pubic, pizza faced, 13 year old kids. Why? I do not know. So I am sitting down and I watch a kid behind me go to his bench and what happens? None of his family members are there.
I start laughing and my sister hits me for laughing at him. What makes it even better is the fact that the kid sat down and whispered to himself, “Fuck me, they are always late I hate them.”
Ok people. Let us not forget. Jacques is the fucking man. Jacques is also a complete asshole. The kid looked right in my eye and I stared back into his, and I laughed.
He flipped me off.
A 13 year old kid, IN CHURCH, flipped me off.
What ever. So sitting in front of me is the perfect example why black chicks should wait to perm their hair. But that is another rant.
Needless to say they were…ghetto. When she sat down they all jumped and said,
“YOU GO GIRL, YOU ALL GRADUATING AND SHITTTT I IZ SO PROUDZ OF YOU”
I hate my race.
During the ceremony the kid’s family finally arrives. I look back and he flips me off again. Is that not love in church?
Moving on they called one chick up and I could not stop laughing at what happened next.
They forgot her diploma. Wow. What did Jacques do? I laughed my ass off. My mother slapped me here.
Slaps – 1
They call my little brother up and I jump and say, “YOU GO BOYYYYY I IZ PROUDZ OF YOU”.
The people in front of me were not amused and my mother decided to slap me again.
Slaps – 2
They call the ghetto chick up and she gets a certificate in EFFORT for reading. Wtf? A certificate for doing something that you are SUPPOSED to do? That is insane. What? Did she just finish her first Bearenstein book this year? Retard. I cough “hooked on phonics”
Slaps – 3
Now I decided since I got slapped for these ghetto idiots it was MY job to mess with them the entire night. Since they are extremely rude, and black, one of them was on a sidekick. I managed to get my phone in also so I put my aim on and found out the dudes sn.
What did I do?
I cursed him out ON AIM.
“Fuzzhead035 – Whats up pussy?
******* - Who is this?
I will fucking kill you”
It went on for another 5 minutes before he got furious and left to make a phone call.
Someone is going to die tonight.
Eventually they decided to call for special awards. They called for the St Johns Womens award and I sat there and held my sisters hand and screamed, “COME ONNN PHILLIP. LETS GOOO PHILLIP PLEASEEE PHILLIP”
Some other girl got it and I put my hands up in disgust.
Slaps – 4
I swear, why take me anywhere?