Jacques Morel : The Experience: 2008-07-13

7.19.2008

Thoughts from a black man listening to white music.

Before you read, hit play.

I have an eclectic taste. I love different women, different video games, and different tastes of vengeance (I like it served cold, hot, or with a nice kick in the fucking nuts).

I love random forms of music and since I do everything in excess (I was once a chronic groper of my genitalia) I will listen to a song for three hours straight. I do not do this because I want to memorize it, but because I go through various moods while listening to it.

Lately I have been listening to this one damn song on repeat – The Devil Wears Prada – Still Fly. Remember that song? It glorified negroid expenditures.

(Negroid Expenditures – buying shit we do not need or do not have money to pay for)

Pasty white men who managed to make it better than the original song covered it and now I am obsessed with it. It might be little to hardcore for some of you weak ones, but otherwise here is it none the less.

Another thing, Kills and Thrills will be leaving for their tour sometime in the eventual week. Eventually because well…we all have no idea what is going on with this? What time is it now?

Shameless fucking plug time.

http://www.myspace.com/killsandthrills
http://www.myspace.com/killsandthrills

My Daily Rant - 7.19.08 - Streetball : Black People's Kryptonite

I like to think that I have a more open mind than most kids my age. I am open to suggestion and I am a very easy person to talk to. I also like to think that I am more of an “out there” thinker than some kids my age. I just recently watched a video on College Humor which had a little white boy doing street ball moves. Check it out here.

Streetball defies the rules of physics in basketball. For example, if normal basketball is Jessica Alba than streetball is the Jordan Sparks. Rough around the edges, but you would still do it.

Streetball is more of a finesse thing than anything else which also capitalizes on the black pride of dominating one another. A very popular pastime in many a black folk has to be “shitting” on others. This entails us being extremely loud and over stepping numerous boundaries in order to “shit” on the other.

It is like committing a crime and posting pictures of it on Myspace. It is what we do. Now streetball takes this into effect greatly in the way it allows one to completely “shit” on the other. It violates all of the rules of traditional basketball and includes gyrations that will probably make the weak have some awkward feelings.

It is like watching a train wreck…that is actually pretty funny. Sort of like watching Friends. Bad show, but it was pretty funny. Streetball in its essence is the same thing. It is stupid as hell. They dribble backwards then move forwards…only to move backwards again. Beautiful right?

Of course it is.

The best part about streetball has to be the frenzy we get in watching it. When someone does a good move everyone gets up. If he manages to string that one move into a flurry of other moves people start bouncing BUT if he can take the money shot and completely “shit” on the other person, than we start partying.

We crowd the court interrupting the damn game.

We start screaming “OOOOOOOO” for no damn reason.

We ridicule the person guarding him for being so stupid to fall for such gyrations. We can even go to the extent of kicking someone off the court.

Nope it does not matter if you dropped 40 points that game, if someone dunked on you, then times up.

The thing that is sadder about it is how this is some peoples chances to get out of the ghetto. What is more depressing? The fact that you have to dance half naked to get out or you will not crack open a book?

Hmm.

Well here is what I told a manager at Footlocker regarding this –

“LOOK. You want more sales? Put on And1 mixtape. You will have so many black people in here, you will feel fried”.

7.18.2008

GZA Dissed 50 Cent...WHY GZA? WHY?

Since 50 Cent pretty much dominates my blog I must post another story of his. Now what is the definition of washed up? Someone tell me.

It means your time is up. You are too damn old. You were relevant years ago. You are great but lets move on.

Like Jenna Jameison (sp?)

Realistically speaking GZA dissed 50 cent. Before I even MOVE on take a listen to the diss.

GZA, GZA, GZA. I understand what you are trying to do. Your album Pro Tools is dropping soon and you are trying to stur some trouble up for some publicity. Your intentions are good and the diss was actually listenable. To be realistic 50 Cent probably will not even respond. Not out of disrespect but Rafiki has to many problems with Shaniqua to even bother.

GZA please do not diss someone that is BARELY relevant now. GZA you are great but you were relevant 10 years ago. 50 Cent is barely relevant now. If you want to get some publicity diss Lil Wayne or Miley Cyrus.

Wow FUCK Dubai yo.

Wow fuck Dubai. They created a landmass that looks like a palm tree. Basically they have WAY to much money and they love to flaunt it. The hilarious thing about Dubai is, after you look past the extremely tall buildings and indoor ski resorts, you realize that it is completely unsustainable. Yup if it was not for AIR CONDITONORS Dubai would not even be a blip on my radar.

Sort of like Britney Spears with out breast enhancements or Tyra Banks with out that damn forehead.

Pictures courtesy of TEN Real Estate and www.treazyradioshow.com

Stop fucking girls named Shaniqua. It is bad news.

I am not to fond if 50 Cent. The gangster version of Rafiki obviously has his hands tied up with his current legal disputes with his baby mother Shaniqua Tompkins, (what did you expect? Her name is Shaniqua), over not seeing his son, but I find it hilarious how Rafiki cannot put his “clientele” in first class. In a video which displays Adolla? And Lloyd Banks flying to Calgary, Canada for an All Star party for Vitamin water.

Now I am going to be completely real with you. My lazy ass only watched the first 30 seconds of the damn video but I already found it hysterical that they were sitting in coach class when they are multi platinum rappers.

Honestly, Lloyd Banks is way to “gangster” for this blasphemy.

Change it up!

Shoot, Rafiki should be on his game.

Dark Knight? Cinematic genius. Heath Ledger played a non-gay performance for the first time in 4 movies and managed to completely capture the on screen performance from everyone else in the movie. Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart were also fantastic in the movie but their performances were outshined and outdone by the insane Ledger. I will not review the movie RIGHT now but I will later tonight.

Here is what I took notice of –

The whole Kanye West Ghost Blogger thing is getting pretty damn serious now. Marcus Troy, who is the alleged ghost “blogger”, is not 10x more famous because of it. This reminds me of superhead, or the girl in school that everyone REALIZES is a slut and now every guy gets after her.

The head is amazing by the way.

Kanye posted this on his blog –

"I don't know who the hell this is... but I covered his name and face so he wouldn't get the publicity he was obviously lookin' for."
GIVE ME SOME DAMN PUBLICITY. Shit, I will “ghost-fuck” for Kanye to get some damn publicity. All we have to do is change masks and do the old “switcheroo”

Psh.

Thanks to www.prohiphop.com

There are only TWO things that can make all the men in the room lick their lips at the same time. Either it is vagina or ribs and I do not mind eating either.

Nasty.

My night the other day was completely retarded as it usually is and I realized that driving a Scion does in fact, attract girls to your car. You do not understand. Steve and I were driving my sisters car and it was just hot girl after hot girl. Now let us remember that I do not normally talk to HOT college girls for INSERT LINK HERE but that is just me.

Full Story to be up tonight after I commit suicide at work all day

7.17.2008

New Ll Old J Video Feat - The Dream

How old is LL anyway? Shit.

Jacques Sings About Miley Cyrus? Wtf?

50 Cents New Video Game - Blood (Cum) In the Sand

Hey, someone do me a favor. I need to know when a rapper deserved a damn video game? I mean if listening to the music about killin’, rapin’, and shittin on hoes was not enough we now can play it in 3D. Not only can we play it in 3D, WE CAN PLAY ONLINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

Someone needs to explain this to me. If 50 can have his own video game, why can I not have my own video game? I mean let us look past what is really the problem with this. In 50 Cent’s new game Blood In the Sand, he travels the globe fighting terrorism. Not only does he fight terrorism, he still manages to keep his rippling veined up muscles and that buck tooth that could murder a man.

He carries giant guns, rocket launchers, and if we are lucky (cross your toes) scantily clad women are located in this game. Maybe they will also include 50 doing coke in Croatia or 50 getting shot more than 9 times to further solidify his “gangster” status.

So am I looking out for 50 Cent Cum in the Sand? Yes. I am. Hopefully Young Buc can cry some more and further round out a top 10 game.

Fuck yea.

Come on Kanye!

So I frequently read a few blogs. Today I was checking out www.sandrarose.com out and I noticed that there are allegations that Kanye West “blog jacks” from smaller blogs, like me, who turn them on to ideas.

In turn, they do not give us the much needed props that we need in order to generate the massive amount of traffic they get. Come on. Share the wealth! It is like sleeping with a prostitute and not paying them. Then the moment you get home you post pictures about the money shot all over Facebook.

Makes no damn sense.

The story was originally leaked on Sandra Rose with Kanye looking at her blog. Now really I do not understand why someone would “jack” a blog. I mean, isn’t a blog supposed to be some ones inner thoughts? The other day I wrote about my favorite porn star. That is my inner thought.

The women I cuff it too daily. You know how personal that is? Damn personal. But apparently Kanye West has been using a “ghost” blogger to write his blogs daily. I understand that someone is busy, but come on. There is already information on you using a ghost writer for your raps, but now a ghost blogger?

Please. Kanye is my favorite celebrity, but that is a no no.

The ghost blogger can be found here - http://marcustroy.com/

Thanks to www.sandrarose.com for the info.

Come on Kanye!

Cam'ron makes me want to kill black people.

I have specific spurts of listening that I go through. Every now and then I switch my focus (artist wise) to a different idiot that can tickle my fancy during that time. We already know my dislike for Lil’ Wayne and my opinion that for a time, Soulja Boy was the most popular rapper for a time.

Please do not shit your pants when I say that. Realistically speaking, Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em was the most popular rapper for about 3 months. Everyone listened to that kid. I mean for a time being my favorite move was “supermanin hoes”.

I love throwing them up in the air as I “YUUUUU”.

That is for another time. I am not going to discuss the mindless dribble that rains from the mouths of anyone south of the Mason Dixon line. Although, I do believe a handful of rappers are decent there, the phonetically sound Lil Boosie. I am talking about something in the home of rap.

Cam fucking ron.

Yea Cam’ron. I have talked about this dude many times and if you watched slowly he has deteriorated into the pink wearing, chilling with transvestites, coke head we all know and love. He still lives in Harlem. Harlem. The home of flashy dudes that say stupid words.

Ya diiiiigg?

I mean, Harlem is like the Long Beach of the city. When you head to Harlem[Long Beach] you know you are in Harlem. Everything is different; even the way people dress and interact is different. They are on completely different extremes of the spectrum.

In Long Beach it is like heading into another state. You can spot a foreigner from a mile away. Unless you are drunk with them, they dislike you. Everyone all knows each other and they go by either the side of the town, street, or what bar or girl they have hooked up with.

Harlem is like heading into another borough. They dislike foreigners (especially if you are from Brooklyn). Unless you are acting a fool, they dislike you. Everyone knows each other by street.

Look at the similarities.

Now Cam’ron used to be extremely nice. I say this because Cam’ron used to be on Children of the Corn before half of the members were “deaded” up, before Mase started licking tranny penis; before Big L lost a fight with a shot gun; when Killa Cam actually killed.

If you listen to some of his rhymes, they are different from the “Dead the Funeral” of today. They actually made me want to find someone and beat the living crap out of them. Is that not what music is supposed to do? Even if I am listening to Jack Johnson it makes me so chill that I must stomp someone’s face in. Linkin Park makes me want to shoot authority and then chop pieces of my body off. Lil Wayne just makes me want to overdose.

Cam’ron makes me want to talk to girls like a pothead retard. That is how he makes me feel now. I feel like having a set of goons that claim we get girls. One of them must be ugly as sin though in order for it to be correct. If we even looked at it, I already have goons but not in the ghetto sense. We get twisted and crash the party. We do not
ball and we do not wear purple although Steve has smoked purple haze.

That’s what I have to say for today.

Shoot me an email requesting an artist – fuzzhead035@gmail.com

7.16.2008

Jacques Morel : The Experience

My Daily Rant - 7.16.08 - Ok. I sold my soul for a video game. Shoot me.

So normally, I would sit here and discuss my daily adventures, stupid expeditions, or drunken attempts at plus sized people. Today I will take a different avenue. I am going to discuss something that effects the little nerd in all of us.

E3

Now we all understand that Jacques is in fact, a giant nerd. We take this into consideration when thinking of ways to poke fun at Jacques – (Jockstrap is getting old people.)

During tumultuous and underpaid slave work at Zumiez, I was paying attention to the events of E3. For those who are NOT virgins and have NO idea what E3 is, it is a giant video game EXPO where other virgin nerds come together and discuss the reason why we are virgins –

Video Games.

For the people who do know about E3, here is my unaltered breakdown of it.

Nintendo –

Nintendo is basically like the Jock of the video game world. I say this because at this point Nintendo has managed to capture the hearts of many young children and drunk teenagers alike in their revolutionary video game system called the Wii.

It has become a pop culture item. Kids play it. When I am drunk I play it. When you are drunk? You have probably played that damn thing too.

Now they have managed to sell millions of units and is increasingly taking the market share from Microsoft and Sony. Nintendo played the part of the jock very well. They told us how much they sold and why they were the shit because of it. Nintendo can piss on a CD and sell a millie (get that metaphor?)

Microsoft –

Microsoft actually showed me something here. Xbox live already makes me feel gay as it is. I have tons of friends and I play with these people often. I have not even seen half of the friends I play with.

Really gay.

Now the fact that I do this often creates some sort of predicament. What if I want to do gay things with these friends; like watching a movie as a group…at different systems.

Well Microsoft has decided to grace us and let me do that. Not only that Microsoft is letting me go on Netflix and download movies TO MY XBOX. So not only do I not have to take my fat ass up to the MAILBOX to get a movie, I can sit IN MY UNDERWEAR and watch the god damn thing.

Fuck yea.

They also introduced games and
Microsoft wins again

Sony –

Fuck Sony. They showed me nothing but God of War 3. I swear that damn system is the crackhead of the consoles. Nintendo is the cocky jock. Microsoft is the nerd and Sony is the crack head teenager that tried every drug he could in high school and now owes me over 300$ dollars.

I have to go and get my car serviced. Later I will compare the three consoles to rappers for you video game illiterate.

Remember, if you like it shoot me an email

fuzzhead035@gmail.com

7.15.2008

My Daily Rant - 7.15.08 - YES A SAUSAGEFEST

As we already have deduced in the last few rants and the hilarity that took place in the rants, one can already attain the thought that I party way too much. Now let us dispel the fact that I live on Long Island where partying is the major avenue of, well, “doing shit”. Or the fact that my friends party too much, or maybe my balls have grown attracted to the late drunk nights I put them through.

When I say that it is because of the intense lack of female interaction that I receive at said parties. They become, how can I say it…

Sausagefests.

Not to be confused with the popular Homosexual parade in Deutchland that most of my friends regulary attend; no, it is the fact that every party I have ever went too had more men then females. Now I do not ask for more females because I am a one female type of person.

I ask for the tables to be turned.

I would rather “Fishfests” happened.

I would attend this party over all parties known in existence. A sausagefest is so one-dimensional. They even vary by race. At a white Suasagefest you can get into an argument about whether the Mets are the scum of the Earth and the Yankees rule. A black sausagefest can break by the seams with 5 words –

“KOBE IS BETTER THAN MICHAEL!!”

It is said that before Sean Bell was shot, he had just defended his side in a Kobe/Michael argument.

Too soon? Yes but we need to move on people.

The Sausagefests extend to anything done in general. In he work place, unless you work at Victoria’s secret, Sausagefests are prevalent. It is a male dominated society.

The parties are also depressing in a way as to how they take place. Everyone is just hanging around loitering on someone elses property. When you bring girls into the mix it is a different party. With preferably attractive girls, the party becomes a bunch of guys soliciting on someone elses property.

See, the whole “impression” thing from guys is still extremely evident. When there is girls at a party we feel better about the party. Why?

Because we are trying harder to be at our bests at that damn party.

So yes, girls are needed for good parties.

When it is just penis’ that control the party the party has no choice but to be headed to almost failure. The only way a drunken experience with that many male appendages could be good if it was at a football game.

Or strip club…but then there are women?

Or the military, because we just love shootin’.

I love shootin’ a lot more though.

Now that that was said, I just want to call one more thing out today.

Andrew Malary cut his GOT damned sneakers up. Nikes. A FRESH PAIR OF NIKE AIRS (Jay Z) WAS CUT UP.

He stated that it was not as confortable.

NIGGA THEY ARE NIKES, SHIT. THEY ARE CONFORTABLE FOR ALL ACTIONS THAT END IN “IN” –

Hustlin
Fuckin
Shittin
Killin
Spittin
Rhymin

Etc..in.

Go buy some Jordans. AND NAS’ ALBUM.

7.14.2008

My Daily Rant - 7.14.08 -

Depressed. That is my mood right now. I sit here writing this and I am depressed. Lil Wayne managed to sell over 1 million CD’s in one week. The reason why I am positng this now is because of another GREAT CD that is coming out soon, I.E NAS – UNTITLED.

I am not going to sit here and argue about their facial features, I want to turn you idiots into believers.

Lil Wayne is a crackhead. You know that guy that hangs out at the gas station as you and your underage self is trying to buy beer? Yea that is Lil Wayne.

That creepy cracked out dude you shoulder tap for a cigarette?

Lil Wayne.

That cracked out guy that comes to a party to hook up with the 12 year olds?

Lil Wayne.

Well there should not be 12 year olds at your party but you understand what I mean. The reason why I am so disspaointed in this is because Lil Wayne has managed to DISPROVE the law of supply and demand. The law of supply and demand states, -

The price P of a product is determined by a balance between production at each price (supply S) and the desires of those with purchasing power at each price (demand D). The graph depicts an increase in demand from D1 to D2, along with a consequent increase in price and quantity Q sold of the product.

For my readers that like Lil Wayne that means, when you have HIGH supply then you have low demand, and HIGH DEMAND is low SUPPLY

Now lets put this into a rap perspective.

Lil Wayne made over 200+ songs last year. This year Lil Wayne is on EVERY song. Lil Wayne’s album was bootlegged to the fullest. Shit, remember The Leak? That was the Carter III. But it was leaked and he had to do it again.

Wayne disproved the LAW of Supply and Demand. Lil Wayne had HIGH SUPPLY and STILL managed to maintain HIGH demand. That is insane. You are able to get Lil Wayne EVERYWHERE AND STILL IT SELLS.

Drugs do not even work like that. If you flood the market with a product the price goes down. Lil Wayne flooded the damn market, the price stayed the same, and he still sold.

That makes me angry.

Very angry.
Now I would like to dispel the thought of “hater” that lays over this rant. I am not a “hater”. I have always disliked Lil Wayne. Now I will admit that I do like some of his songs, but the majority just falls into the pile of baby batter as Soulja Boy’s.

Now if we look back in time, this has never happened before. Even Eminem was not EVERYWHERE when he sold that many albums. 50 Cent had only a few songs and a mixtape out. Jay Z had ONE damn song out when his last album sold 800k. Nas’s album will sadly only move 500k in the first week.

Why does this cracked out man, MANAGE to SELL like wildfire? I have figured out a reason.

His damn voice.

Yea.

That damn raspy drugged out voice.

Why do we love Dave Chappelle? Because he is funny, AND HIS VOICE IS FUNNY. Eminem? His voice. Chris Brown? His voice. Michael Jackson? His voice. R FUCKING Kelly? HIS VOICE.

Now Lil Wayne’s voice has managed to Woo black people AND white people alike. Look at the list above you. They managed to have THE SAME effect on the races. It is only the Asians, which we are going to have problems getting to listen.

I mean, the voice makes you want to listen. It is just like the creepy man in the van that gets kids inside it for candy only to find middle-aged penis. Just like The Shining, Dark Knight, etc. The voice makes you wonder…what is behind that character? In Lil Wayne’s case... I do not know.

So what is the point of this rant?

Buy Nas’ album. Support REAL Hip Hop and REAL voices.

Damn.

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