7.26.2008

Serious Post : *From my friend Eduardo Estrella*

THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY JACQUES BABY USHER MOREL. IT IS WRITTEN BY MY FRIEND EDUARDO ESTRELLA.
"
His eyes told me everything. What was the point of an interrogation at this point? He has been interrogated before. His nights are harder than mine. He pulled up to our car and i did something every refuses to do. I acknowledged his presence. I told him with my heart and with mine own eyes, " i know you, I feel for you, i love you."

I don't know what he has been through. I don't know if his wife left him, if he left her. I don't know if he lost his job, if all his investments backfired, I don't even know his name. But what i do know is that he like you and me, he has one; A name. He was born with the intention to be everything, to be successful, to be happy, to be free. I don't choose to believe that he wanted to become homeless, out on the street begging for change simply to survive. And for those who believe otherwise i wish you would open your eyes.

In life we must be humble, for many times we become these egotistical criminals, subliminally infecting our societies with corrupt thoughts and guilty pleasures. Its so easy to refuse this man. So easy to say no. You can say that he will use if for drugs, for booze, for something evil. So what would be the point? Why assume the worst? Why have we become so negative in thought? He suffers just like you. He is a man just like you. He has arms and legs, just like you. He bleeds, he cries, he sleeps, he dies, he dreams, he screams, he loves, he hates, But who are you to say that he only frustrates, the mental images and thoughts of this world. Maybe that man goes home, if he has a home, only looking for feed his 6 month old baby girl. Life is unfair, its tough, its plain, so why deny him when he begs for nothing more than change. Give all you can, hell give it all, because one day you too might fall. You too might be in his predicament, and if you are, then the world too will make no sense. We teach to hoard, but no longer do we teach to give our two cents.

I am not saint. I am just like you. A man looking for purpose just like you. I live, I breathe, I eat, I sleep, I pray, I love, I hate, I cry, and before i die, i look to find, something to tell the world that I'm alive. So look me in the eye and let me know who you are, because I am man, trying to fit in my destiny's plan, and no matter what I will give it all I can, and if i should die before I wake, then i pray to god that my soul he take, and teach me to love eternally and help to teach others to release themselves from captivity and learn to fly away and be free.


So i pulled out my wallet and gave him all i had. He needed it more than I did. And again, I dont know what he will use it for. but I hope it is useful i his journey to live. And I hope that in the end he remembers me, because I remember him.
"




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I Average 200 hits a day.

Thanks.

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Video Game : Mortak Kombat vs DC

Apparently a new game is coming out which pits the Mortal Kombat characters against the DC Universe characters...the description for the game is as follows -

"When a cataclysmic force merges conquerors from two universes, conflict is inevitable. Kombat forces friends to fight, worlds to collide, and unlikely alliances to be forged. In order to save all they know, the heroes and villains of Mortal Kombat must wage war against the combined might of the DC Universe (DCU). How can either side prevail when rage blinds them to the dark threat poised to destroy them all?"
IGN.COM

That sounds absolutely retarded. Honestly I am not excited for this game at all but who really cares about my opinion? After looking at a picture of Joker (which you can see below) it does NOT look like Heath Ledger. Therefore it is NOT the Joker.

Not only that, why in flaming Richard Simmons hell would I really care about if Scorpion can beat Superman in a fight?

Marvel all day baby.



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Video Game : Racism is SO alive on Xbox Live.

So today I was playing some Call of fucking Duty 4 on Xbox live. Now since I am Jesus at that game I was obviously dominating people. I was number one on my team and my back was hurting carrying the team along. Now I use the mic frequently due to my talent of “talking shit”. As I would play I would ask my teammates why they were sucking so much and if they could would take their controller out of their stomachs (not ass because EVERYONE SAYS ASS).

Not really. I mean shoot, having a smile like this? How COULD Jacques been an angry asshole like that?

But one kid, who was smart enough to realize my screen name [The Darrkness] was because I was black caught on and got angry. Here is a conversation I had with them –

“Hey you fucking nigger”

“Woa, dude, chill”

“Nah screw that you son of a nigger licking women”

“Ok, fuck you. YOU MAD?”

“Do not speak that nigger-babble around me. I will freaking kill you”

“YOU MAD DOGGIE?”

“Doggie? Nigger, I will lynch you so fast you will not even be able to SOULJA BOY your way out”

“Ok I am going to mute you”

“YOU CANT MUTE ME NIGGER. I AM ALL AROUND JEWWW”

“No, you cannot be. Right now I am in a dimly lit basement in my underwear. Cliché? Yes. But since you are white and it is dark, you cannot be around me. Now continue playing terrible and get off my ass”

“Nigger, it does not matter where you live. I will find you, kill you, and –“


I muted him. Sometimes you get tired of just hicks and you want to move on…playing your video game...in your underwear.

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7.25.2008

Rant : My Dog Smells.

I will pay someone to come wash this savage beast for me.

Any takers?

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Rant : Here is what I am listening to today...

Every two weeks I download a mixtape with all of the hottest new singles. Here you guys go...these are the songs that will be hot in the next few months. Props to Throwbacks on Boxden.

.  T-Pain - Can't Believe It (Feat. Lil' Wayne)                    4:36
2. Mariah Carey - I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time (Feat. T.I.) 3:50
3. T.I. - What Up 5:05
4. Gym Class Heroes - Peace Sign / Index Down (Feat. Busta 4:02
Rhymes)
5. Lloyd - I Need Love (Feat. The-Dream) 3:44
6. Boss Hogg Outlawz - Keep It Playa (Feat. Ray J) 4:03
7. Sean Garrett - Come On In (Remix) (Feat. Plies & Akon) 5:01
8. Nas - Make The World Go Round (Feat. Chris Brown & The Game) 3:49
9. Busta Rhymes - Throw It Up (Feat. Lil' Wayne & Ludacris) 4:42
10. T.I. - Whatever You Like 4:12
11. Fonzworth Bentley - Everybody (Feat. Sa-Ra, Andre 3000 & Kanye 3:27
West)
12. Drake - Brand New (Remix) (Feat. Lil' Wayne) 3:03
13. Talib Kweli - Take It Back (Feat. Marsha Ambrosius) 5:14
14. David Banner - Fly (Feat. Jazze Pha) 3:10
15. Chris Brown - Fatal Attraction 4:08
16. Ja Rule - Baby 3:44
17. Ray J - Gifts (Remix) (Feat. Lil' Wayne & The Game) 3:45
18. Trey Songz - High Definition 3:47
19. Usher - What I Gotta Do (Feat. Rico Love) 3:54

1. Nelly - Long Night (Feat. Usher) 3:21
2. David Banner - Shawty Say (Feat. Lil' Wayne) 3:38
3. Ace Hood - Ride (Feat. Trey Songz) 4:26
4. Flo-Rida - In The Ayer (Remix) (Feat. Rick Ross, Brisco & 3:59
Billy Blue)
5. Lloyd - Lose Control (Feat. Nelly) 4:19
6. Nelly - Stepped On My J'z (Feat. Jermaine Dupri & Ciara) 4:39
7. Tyga - Stacks On Deck (Feat. Lil' Wayne & Gata) 4:55
8. Busta Rhymes - Breathin' Like That 3:42
9. Ashanti - In These Streets 4:24
10. Yung Bruh - Gangsta (Feat. The Game & J. Holiday) 3:58
11. Musiq - Radio 3:21
12. T.I. - Swing Your Rag (Louis Rag) (Feat. Swizz Beatz) 3:19
13. G-Unit - I Don't Wanna Talk About It 4:34
14. Michelle Williams - We Break The Dawn (Remix) (Feat. Flo-Rida) 3:34
15. Nas - War Is Necessary 2:27
16. C.J. - I Want You 3:24
17. Busta Rhymes - I Got Bass 4:25
18. Flo-Rida - We A Problem 3:35
19. Noe - Throwin' BG's (Feat. Sandman & Chink Santana) 4:18
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
151:34

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Thanks to Gabe for sending me this picture...

Yup that is my fucking name! Props to a die hard reader for sending me this. Thanks Gabe! Any thing you want brought to my attention?
fuzzhead035@gmail.com

or hit me up on Facebook.

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Cassie has the body of a 9 year old asian kid.


So I was on Sandra Rose today and apparently a rumor was leaked that Diddy and Cassie were engaged. The rumor was later shot down by Diddy himself so that is not what I am writing about. What I want to say is, No matter what you say, Diddy definately hit that. We all know what type of "man" Diddy is. He does what he wants and he gets what he wants and we all know the moment he signed that William Hung body double that some sex was involved.

So now you may ask...would I sleep with Cassie?

Hell Yea.

Mmm hypocitism at its finest. I just made that word up.

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Jacques Car-o-Graphy...HERE WE GO.

Well as everyone can obviously see, I have posted the pictures of my Volkswagen GTI. In a span of two days, I had rims and 5% tints and a different exhaust. Now everyone stares at it when I roll through. Yup. Now everyone asks me,

Jacques, Why is your car so sexy? And is this your first car?

Can I suck your dick?

I get those questions a lot sometimes. So I have decided to compile a list of the cars I have had. HERE WE GO.

  1. Toyota Corolla - Burgundy Monster...Baby Fucker
Ahh, I loved this car. It was my first car that I saved up 1000 dollars to purchase. I drove it home and 2 days later dinged the side. But I did not care. IT WAS MY FIRST CAR. I loved that thing. I did everything in that thing, drank, ate, sexed. I lost my virginity in that car.


Yup. The only thing I have not done in this car is...well...choked the chicken. Its a tad hard to do that while driving around such a fantastic car like that. I remember when I got into my first accident due to a fender bender on Southern State. I was sad to see my car in that state. I cried. I was depressed. I did not touch myself or a female for days.
Eventually I had to grow up and I fixed the car myself. It was now a red car with a green hood. The car gave me some good moments also especially when Steve took my car out with my sister, or the time Khafre, Josh and I slammed into an brand new Eclipse and ran. The car eventually went to my mother as I had saved up enough money for my new car...

2. Volkswagen Rabbit

I saved up 5g's and brought this rabbit BRAND KNEW nigga. Yup. I loved this car but not as much as my first one, but a 300 a month payment made me love it. I drove this car around town like I was the flyest kid ever. I mean, I am the flyest kid ever but who is actually paying attention?

Your girlfriend.

That car became a part of me. I drove it for 10k good miles. I took it to school. Girls thought it was fly there. See? People are paying attention. Now this car was my favorite thing ever untill that fateful day January 30th. I was involved in a T-BONE accident and the car passed away.

It then ascended into heaven at the right hand of the Father and reigned over all that was good. The rabbit was eventually kicked out of Heaven and sent to Hell for fornicating with Mother Theresa. The car is now hanging out in Hell betting on the Kentucky Derby with Saddam Hussein and Keanu Reeves.

Fuck it, when you are THAT bad of an actor you might as well die.




3. Volkswagen GTI

This is the car that I am driving around right now. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

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My Daily Rant - 7.25.08 - BOXED NIGGA!

On Sunday Cliff hit me up to ask me to come to a party he was throwing on Thursday. At the time I was already drunk (Sunday is a fun day for me) so I remember telling my sister that I was going to party with Kellenberg kids for the 3rd time ever.

We both shared a hearty laugh after that.

Now I did not actually THINK it was going to happen but it did. I traveled out of my element (Massapequa, Copiague, Amityville) to Bellmore to head to this party. Not even going to lie, I loved it. I mean if I was drunk it would have been 10x better, but Jacques was driving...and Jacques never drinks and drives..

Only on Sundays.

One thing I noticed at the party was how serious some people are about Beer Pong. Mike Sharkey (go fuck ya selllfff) shot a ball and the girl fingered it out. Now this was not he liked at the moment, and Noel especially was mad about it.

Noel screams out, "NAH FUCK THAT SHIT. We do not play that shit"

Girl - "Why Not?"

Mike - "Um, because I have the table"

Noel - "Yea LEAVE THAT FINGERING SHIT FOR THE BEDROOM".

That was probably the line of the night. Hanging out with them got better also. I walked through the party catching up with friends that I have not seen since high school and the normal things were said about my hair etc. My hair is fucking brown. Who does that?

Jacques Does.

Now I personally hate when a party is BYOB and people take MY damn beer. Do you know how you fix that?

You buy the most RANDOM beer ever. Yea Presidente, Heinekens(too expensive for us), Blue Point etc. Unless you are like Mike, you would have lost a beer. Mike had a case of Natural Ice's which taste like rats piss and the moment someone reached into it, he promptly said - "PUT MY BEER BACK. Yup. You dude. Put that back."

You have to be vigilant. When your black no one takes your Kool Aide. When you are from Long Beach no one takes your Nattys.

As the night progressed it was evident that Noel was drunk. I mean everyone was. Tom was also and it was pretty funny when he was talking about the girl he brought. I swear this kid is so much fun sometimes. He walks up behind her, whispers in my ear, "Dude that is MY girl. Look at that shit". He practically grinds up against her. I had to hold my laughter back.

At that same exact moment, Noel comes over and puts a beer box on my head and says, "BOXED NIGGA!" I never realized how fun that shit is. Taking a box and just throwing it on peoples heads? Check Cliff out.

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Dear Rihanna, I want to make sweet sweet love to you.

Hey Rihanna. I would like to climb up your tree.

After watching this video for Disturbia I am convinced that Rihanna is, in fact, a freak. See for yourself...

I mean, not only is she completely demented in this video, she managed to hide that evil stepchild (spaceship, missle, landing strip, etc) she calls a forehead with her new hair style. I like it, but most of all, I like you Rihanna.

I want to climb up your tree. I will scale you in ways that no other monkey (black person) has scaled you before.

Growl.

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7.24.2008

WNBA: Where big men beat women.

Who knew they could throw bo's in the WNBA?

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LOL AT ALL THE COP PICTURES OF RICK ROSS






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Rick Ross...was a corrections officer.



Unless you have been living under a rock, you have not been immune to the story which is being made popular by everyone speaks on how Rick Ross is not "real". Now for all those who are living under a rock, Rick Ross raps about pushing cocaine and "hanging with them Haitians".

A few of my cousins know him.

Now I am not going to report this to you because to be frank, I do not care at all. I believe the dude can rap about what ever he wants. I also believe that if he managed to keep us in the dark THIS LONG then why does it really matter? But that fits with the current idea that "in order to spit, you must be 'real'".


WHY DOES IT MATTER?

When I listen to Chris Breezy I do not expect him to hang out with girls FOREVER because deep down on the inside...

we all know he is gay. Gay as shit.

When I look at porn, I do not make sure that these girls are actual cum-guzzling sluts outside of the video.


When I saw Dark Knight, I did not care that Heath Ledger was NOT crazy outside of the film...well I take that back. He died because of it. RIP.

However, I can see where you are coming from. The stories that I tell are the complete truth and if they were not it would not be the same. But my stories do not involve kilo's of cocaine and many scantily clad women.


Shit, every party I go to is a sausage fest. No women for me. So me? I do not care. Shit, I wish Rick Ross was a CLOWN before he started rapping just so he can rap about that WHITE...paint.

Yea that was terrible. O well.

The pictures are found here.

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My Dailyt Rant - 7.24.08 - Natty Ice...Cheaper than water.

So through my various foray's in the fabulous Irish driven world we like to call - "beer" - I have been able to "sample" every beer everyone calls their favorites. I tried Bud Light, Heineken, Miller, Sam Adams, Samuel Jackson, and everyone's favorite, Natural Ice.

Now their are not many reasons to drink this "piss" other than to either get drunk, or drunk enough to make the girl you are talking to more attractive.

Now I personally cannot enjoy this beer with food. When I say that, I mean drinking it with out the intention of getting drunk. But it seems like this form of elephant piss has a "cult" following.

Not because it is cheap, not because it is blue, not because it is a joke to drink it, but because a few people actually like it. They actually drink it on a daily basis.

I talked to one person and I asked them, "Why drink this crap?"

She said, "Its cheaper than water, so if I am going to drink something I might as well get drunk".

Screw that. That is like saying, "Why have sex with that plus sized women?"
"Well its easier than a hot chick, so if I am going to have lazy sex I might as well not try"

What is with people now a days? Am I the only sane one out there? The only one that talks to himself in the mirror telling himself how cute he is and how I look better than Enrique Iglesias, Usher, AND John Cena combined into one "mutt" of a man?

Well hey, its cheap. So why not?

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7.23.2008

Fuck Wendy Williams

THE SECOND VIDEO IS BETTER THAN THE FIRST.


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OK this whole Halo obession thing? yea, its gay.

I wonder if he can make himself a cardboard girlfriend.




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My Daily Rant - 7.23.08 - OK this Streetball thing is getting out of hand

I was serious the other day when I spoke about streetball's affect on black people. Ironically last night I turned on the TV for something to fall asleep too and BOOM there it was.

Streetball.

Apparently in this episode they travel to San Francisco to play against the normal players. That is what normally happens right? But the first thing they did was travel to the laundromat in order for them to wash their clothes.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Do they NOT pay these guys to go on tour? DOES THE TOUR NOT PAY FOR THEM SO THEY CAN DO BASIC AMENITIES??!

And what hotel does not let you use the laundry room for free?

A motel. The AND1 bus DEFINITELY makes them sleep in Motels. Yup. Watching this crap does not make me any happy about "black" themed things. HOW ARE YOU DOING YOUR DREAM JOB, YET YOU HAVE TO WALK BLOCKS AWAY FROM YOUR HOTEL TO WASH YOUR LAUNDRY?

Not only that, they complained that the laundromat was too expensive. So one idiot decided to wash his whites and his colors in the same load.

I hope his clothes permanently stain. DON'T THEY PAY THESE IDIOTS?

They probably pay them in sneakers.

Shoot, even I got a little excited about THAT.

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The Dark Knight Review without spoilers.


I have a lot of nerd inside me. I mean I am an attractive nerd with a beautiful smile and a gorgeous body so it balances it self out. I am an avid Batman fan. I have been a Batman fan for years now ever since I read the comic where Joker made Gordons daughter a paraplegic and forced him to watch pictures of him undressing her on a carousel.

Yea the Joker is that twisted.

Watching the Dark Knight was like watching movie genius. Hot girls and nerds alike, the movie was anticipated by EVERYONE and it managed to break records. I saw the previews.

I saw the trailer.

I saw the first 6 minutes in I am Legend.

I saw everything I could, and I must say, Heath Ledger stole the performance.

Heath Ledger became the Joker. I cannot sit here and describe his performance because, well, it is that. Indescribable. It is something to witness and not experience. You can see how twisted he became to perform the role. Even the way he licks his lips, how he laughs, how he cocks his head slightly into a hunch...

Yup. Now I just made it sound like Brokeback Mountain.

The movie itself was fantastic, but Heath Ledger should receive a damn Oscar for this. If the Academy snubs such an important performance, than I do not understand what they are even there for.

See the damn movie. See it with someone who is not a nerd. Then, maybe, you can lose the nerdyness enough to get laid.

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Jacques and Steve travel to Albany, It sucked.

I am a good friend. Let us not sit here and say that since I am an asshole WITH THEM that I am an asshole TOO them. Steve is transferring to UAlbany, one of the top party schools in the country. Now we all know that Steve is an abiding student and will study.

Yea ok.

I tell him I am going to wake up at 8 and head down to Albany with him. I had the intention of not picking up the phone and just letting him go to Albany by himself.

Why?

That is a three hour long trip. Fuck that.

He calls me RIGHT as I was going to take a piss. Now I stared at the phone for 20 seconds. I fell into a trance staring at my phone ringing with Steve’s picture on it. I picked up and 2 minutes later I was on my way to the shower in order to take the trip with Steve.

Life sucks.

We left at 8:45 and hit the LIE at 9:00 and the trip commenced.

THE FOLLOWING TIMES ARE ESTIMATES.

9:00 – We hit the LIE and for the first few minutes it is just us CRUISING. The traffic was cooperating with us. I hi-five Steve.

9:05 – We hit traffic. My hatred for Steve rises two-fold as we are stuck behind some bullshit Prius. I start yelling at him for making me come.

“Jacques, chill. You are with Baby Steve remember?”

“Fuck you Steve”

I notice that we can take the HOV lane at the moment. I tell him to go into the lane. He tells me that we cannot due to we do not have the entrance there.

“Go in the damn lane”

“Dude, do you know what the fine is for a violation?”

“Look just go in the damn lane. No traffic”

“No.”

“GO!”

He went in the lane. To be honest the HOV lane should be called the “shitting on lane”. We “shat” on traffic LEFT and RIGHT.

9:45 – We hit the Throgs Neck Bridge and I see a sign that states, “NEW ENGLAND”

I scream, “FUCK THE CELTICS, SOX, BRUINS, PATRIOTS ETC”.
Ugh. This is what I saw for 6 long fart filled hours.


9:50 – I look at the route for Steve. As I am scanning down the list, I notice that we are going to be on I-87 Thruway for 134 miles. I start flipping out again. I yell at Steve. This trip will be the death of me.

10:30 – We stop for food in a random truck stop. I swear everyone upstate are backwards.

10:40 – Steve forgets that he wanted to pick up cigarettes. He buys a package of Newports. He licks his lips as he packs the cigarette. I do not smoke so I am disgusted, but this would make the trip 10x better.

11:30 – We are still on the damn thruway. I take a cigarette out and Steve is not paying attention. I take that cigarette and place it in Steve’s mouth.

“Dude. DUDE! I do not want one now”

He does not take the cigarette out of his mouth.

“Dude. Chill.” I light the cigarette. “God damn you Jacques. That tastes so good”
Lol. He really wanted that damn cigarette. He smoked 9.
6 Were because of me.


I do the same thing and I make him a chain smoker. I managed to get Steve to smoke three cigarettes in a row.

12:15 – I decide to play a game with these cigarettes.

I take one cigarette and hover it in front of Steve’s mouth. His lips purse and try to go for it and I pull it away. I put the cigarette closer to his mouth again and I pull it back. He licks his lips and smacks them.

He wants that damn cancer stick.

I give him the cigarette and I go to light it then blow out the light.

He gets frustrated. I light the cigarette then when he starts to puff I take it and put it out. He throws a fit.

I love addictions.

12:34 – We finally reach the shithole I call Albany. The trip just gets better here.
Albany - Home of the overpriced governmental hooker.

12:45 – We reach UAlbany and we park in the parking lot. We see a sign for “orientation”. We walk towards the sign and then we embark on another journey. We cannot find the damn orientation.
LKJSDALKFJASFD THIS IS UALBANY? SHOULD THERE NOT BE DRUNK PEOPLE LYING AROUND EVERYWHERE?


1:30 – After walking around for an hour we sit down. I am furious. It starts to rain a little bit.
Steve – “We missed the orientation…”
We fucking were late. Ugh.


Jacques – “Steve, do you know what I had planned for today? Lets see, I would have woken up around 11 o’clock. Walked downstairs and poured myself a bowl of cereal. At that same moment I would have realized that no one was home. I would have then walked downstairs to view the porno that I set to download last night.

Do you know who was in that porno?”

“No..”

“Jasmine Byrne.”
Jasmine. Yes!


“Ouch bu-“

“No shut up I am not done. Then I would have watched that porno. I love her Steve. My favorite star. I would have watched that and then I would have probably washed my car. My car needs a damn wash. Now it would have been about 4 o’clock by now so I would have ended up eating again and then heading down to the beach. I would have played some handball then my phone calls would have rolled in. I would have picked which person I would have hung out with and hung out with them. THEN I would come home and sleep.
That porno would have been so good. Ugh I hate him.


After watching some more Jasmine Byrne.”


As I am saying this, it starts to rain. When I spoke about Jasmine it rained harder. The heavens were giving me a sign. As sign stating that I should not be on this damn trip.

2:00 – We leave our perch and eventually find a building with people in it. They laugh at us and tell us that we are terribly late for the orientation. A girl takes us over to where he can register for classes and he meets his advisor. I go into the room with him and the advisor and I eventually get her to go off an a conversation of Sex and the City.

Fuck you people.

Steve stares at us as we discuss the subject for about 15 minutes. Eventually she realizes her mistake and comes back to him.

2:20 - She kicks me out of the room. Why? Because when they were discussing his previous school I talk about how Isaacson will be dorming there next year. I realize Mindy will be doing the same. I say, “He better not touch my damn sister”.

“OK I think you need to leave.”

Ugh.

5:30 – WE are well on our way back now. As we are driving a lady starts to swerve violently behind us. She flips out. She curses and then she goes in front of us giving us the finger. She looks like a crack head. I give Steve a cigarette.

6:00 – We hit NYC traffic. Steve clambers for a cigarette. During this traffic span he would manage to suck in 3 cigarettes.

7:45 – I am home. I spent 10 hours with Steve and 6 in a car with him.

I still hate him.

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Shut up and smoke this!

Steve and I took a trip out to Queens today to pick up a present for myself. Since Steve is a proper blue collar white man he obviously did not feel like traveling a long distance to the "ghetto". He felt uncomfortable but then again, I felt uncomfortable when I went to New Jersey or when he forced me to go to Albany but then again, who is complaining?

Now this is not a "rant" per say but it will highlight something that I found very funny during the trip.

Steve and I were driving on Northern Blvd and we were in "traffic" of sorts. Now Steve had already violated the cardinal rule of my car and he smoked a cigarette and farted with out announcing the farts. So needless to say I was not TOO happy with him at the time.

Just kidding. I love that white boy.

Anyways we were joking about how we were in the ghetto and I looked over and I saw the Manhattan skyline. I looked over to Steve and said,
"It is pretty ghetto around here. Imagine some kid looking over to the skyline and saying,

'Nigga, one day I am going to work in THAT bui-'

And his friend looks at him and says,

'Shut up nigga you aint going to NO damn building. Now smoke this weed'"

I just want to say that I am not exactly racially sensitive.

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7.22.2008

Resident Evil 5? Racist as hell.

I have been playing video games for years. I have played all types of games. Violent, Sexual, shooter and shooters I have anticipated games, and I have reserved games also. I am an avid Resident Evil fan. I have been an avid Resident Evil fan for 10 years...until today.

At first I was excited for Resident Evil 5. The first MAJOR Resident Evil release on next-gen consoles. I was ecstatic and at first I was in awe at all of the footage and the realism. At first, I never looked at it in the tone that caused the whole "racist" outcry and I just enjoyed it for what it was. Now that I look at the game again, I am no longer excited for it.

Why?

Because Resident Evil 5 is basically a prominent White Man killing and maiming blacks.

This should not be tolerated. Resident Evil 5 displays blacks as savage, vile, sub-human, zombies. There is no prominent black character at all which can balance out this disgusting show of racism. It disgusts me that Capcom had to go to this extent to show their true colors and portray blacks in a light which Capcom probably views them.

Being a black man in America is hard. Even though Barack Obama is breaking down numerous barriers on a daily basis helping stride forward and faster into the unknown tomorrow, atrocities like this are still being committed. We are still being suppressed and this is complete evidence of how we are being suppressed.

Look how the game is structured. All you are doing is destroying black people in their tracks as you move to your objective. Not one "zombie" is white in this "game" which is generating a tremendous buzz. How can we, as black people, let this be released? I think it will be a sad day in race relations if this game is ever released.

When people play GTA they are killing all types of people. Indians, Whites, Blacks, Asians etc, so it cannot be pegged on one "race" per say. This game can be. The character obviously enjoys killing the African American men and women of the area he is stationed. He viciously destroys and shoots them apart as he runs through the board.

Is this how it is supposed to be portrayed? Is this how black people get when one white man enters an all white town? Is this how we are supposed to live? If a white male entered Compton, CA, or Canarsie, NY, with an array of weapons is this how we would act?

According to Resident Evil 5, that is is how we would act. Not only would we act in this manner, we would be complete savages and we are too weak as a group to stop him.

I call for an apology on Capcom's part, and a complete retraction of the game. Until then, this atrocity is not resolved.


Do you have a problem with what I have to say? Send me an email - fuzzhead035@gmail.com

.....





Just kidding. I do not believe Resident Evil 5 is racist at all. If anything I am proud that we are able to look past this and just play a game for fun. All of the racist accusations are completely ridiculous.



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Do you have a band? Do you want people to know you guys exist?

Advertise on my site www.jacquesmorel.com.

Why? In the 5 days that I have been up I have had over 800 Views. That is 800 people looking at my page on a daily basis and it can be 800 people looking at YOu on a daily basis.

shoot me an email.
fuzzhead035@gmail.com

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My Daily Rant - 7.22.08 - Ok, I Miss Eminem.

So normally I do not dedicate rants to people because I am a hater and rants can only be about Jacques. Today I was going to write about my day yesterday but I came home and Eminem was playing. You know what?

I miss him.

That was about 35% gay but I do not care. I mean who does not miss Eminem? Eminem was me being a rebel when I was 12. Fuck jacking off, when I wanted to piss my parents off I listened to Eminem. My mother thought his voice was funny and my dad hated the fact that he cursed. But then again, my dad sounded like this guy so he could not say shit about his voice.

Eminem is one of the top 3 rappers alive. Fuck Lil Wayne being the best rapper alive Eminem arguably is. Eminem actually rapped about clever stuff and not nursery rhymes. See, Lil Wayne will NEVER reach Eminems level. Although Encore was a flaming pile of trash, Marshal Mathers LP and his albums before were classic.

Now where has Eminem been? Well he has been acting black. Sitting on his money gaining weight. I guarantee if your idle Lil Crackhead dissapeared he would be an elephant. Moving on, Eminem has been a little fat, but hey you would be fat too.

Eminem has been working in the studio. What does this mean? Anarchy will soon reign again. Lets go America's Favorite White Boy. We have been waiting.

Fuck Lil Wayne.

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Before this, I did not like Justin Timberlake..But now? I Do.



Hilarious.

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I shift Danica Patricks gears.

Yea, I would like to shift Danica Patricks gears. I know she is hot headed and she wines and complains all the time...but would you not do her too?


She is even sexy when she argues

OK I take it back. I do not want to do Danica Patrick.

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7.21.2008

My Daily Rant - 7.21.08 - Um, Fuck the Hills Too.

The Hills.

This show is the large pile of steaming gecko crap that I have been looking for. A fake story line filled with overly tanned women and perfect model like people living in the hills. Beautiful. Now besides the fact that this show chronicles the life of 4 girls who have no grasp of TRUE life it still has managed to garner many viewers and sadly is still on TV. Now when I was talking about ideas for this a friend told me that I could not make a better story line. Well I can and I will. Scroll down, read, and prepare to become aroused.

Lauren, Audrina, Whitney, and Heidi are all best friends that live in the hills (obviously). But the problem is Lauren is secretly a lesbian, Audrina is a meth-head, Whitney is well…Whitney, and Heidi has a weird name.

Now Heidi meets Jason but ends up sleeping with him at first site because of her fear of losing men. Jason thought Heidi smelt funny down in the hanger so Jason hooked up with Lauren who he used to date when she was straight. Lauren dated Jason even though she was a lesbian because Jason is supplying Audrina with meth who is Lauren’s secret lover.

(Stay with me here)

Heidi cries days on end about Jason to Whitney but Whitney does not pay attention and is constantly texting Brent. Brent sends her nasty text messages –

“Sk My F1nger!111!”

and it turns Whitney on. Whitney sets up a date with Brent at Sausage Hill secretly but spots her ex boyfriend Frankie at Hamburger Hill with the Hamburgalar. Whitney does not like that, so she calls Lauren who is in a lesbian rage and she tries to fight Frankie.

They decide to have a dance off and Heidi (who happens to be amazingly rich) flies Chris Breezy in to dance for her. Before Chris Brown can dance, Heidi sleeps with him in order to keep him there but he toe wops into the sky shortly after to get away from her. Heidi has no one now.

Meanwhile, Lauren and Jason are together and Lauren reveals to Jason that she is a lesbian. Jason does not understand why but he agrees to the three-some anyway. Jason eventually gets jealous and calls up Whitney and they proceed to go out on a date.

Brent texts Whitney asking why she is cheating on him and Whitney replies that he always seemed a tad gay and Brent cries slowly and comes out of the closet revealing to everyone that he is in love with Lisa Love who is secretly a transvestite.

Whitney is appalled but continues to date Jason. Audrina then dumps Lauren and tries to date Brian but he is gay so he turns her down. Audrina enrolls in a rehab center and the season ends with the backdrop of her walking in and saying good bye to everyone.

Sigh, See I can make a better story line. Hit me up MTV I do freelance.

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My Daily Rant - 7.21.08 - Um, Fuck Baldwin Hills.

I watch BET. Not often, but I do watch it. Although since I am an educated black man I must like to HATE BET but some days I am not in the mood for it. What is this show...Baldwin Hills about? I will be real and say that I have been paying attention to it slightly so I can speak on it.

Not because I watch the damn show or anything. That would be 13% gay.

The show is basically a black Laguna Beach or The Hills and it is just as stupid. Apparently Baldwin Hills works to stop stereotypes and presents black teenagers in a real light.

I am a black teenager and my light does not include terrible acting.

So just like I did for The Hills, I will run down an episode.

OK, so Stacy was making Kool Aide when Seiko came through and asked her was good with her fucking with Lorena. Now Stacy aint no hoe, so she yelled at Seiko and told him she was fucking Johnathan. Seiko got tight then told her to check her tone and Stacy briskly walked out of the room. Seiko was hungry so he fixed himself a plate of chicken and watermelon and relaxed his stomach.

Just at that moment, Sal walked in and smacked Seiko's kufi off. Seiko asked him wuz good and Sal reminded Seiko about the baby that he won in the dice game with him. Seiko remembered that, but told him he needed to finish his feast before he could continue talking.

2 Hours and a whole jug of Kool Aide later...

Seiko told him that Brenda lost the baby. Sal said...who is Brenda? They do not exist on this show. Seiko reminded him saying, "Tupac Dummy. Our Lord and Savior."

The scene cuts out and Ashley, Aujel, and Gerren are in a pool. Ashley is trying not to get her hair wet so her perm will stay nice, but Gerren does not care and dunks her. Ashley gets tight and storms out of the pool in search for a hot comb. Aujel and Gerren exchange kisses and then they decide to hop in their "Six fo" and head to the club for some bub.

The show cuts out...

See, was that episode better than The Hills? You tell me. Email me at fuzzhead035@gmail.com

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Black People Cannot Spell

Wow and all along I just thought it was hooked on phonics.

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Does anyone want to teach me to swim?

I forayed into the fray that I like to call the ocean today and I am actually fed up with not being able to swim.

I used to be completely fine with it but now I have noticed that a whole WORLD is closed to me because I cannot swim. I cannot swim because I was never taught...not because of the common stereotype (if you think that it is because I am black watch Pride...that will sock it to ya.)

Who wants to teach me? Shoot me an email.

fuzzhead035@gmail.com

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My Daily Rant - 7.21.08 - Slip and Slide?

So I was on Stuff White People Like that is hosted by Wordpress. The update they put up today was about white people loving to play little kid games...when they are grown. I understand this fully because last night I had an encounter with a slip and slide.

Slip and Slide is honestly one of the most fun games ever as a kid. It was one of my shining moments as kid along with -

  1. Realizing I could use my genitalia for other things...like mooning
  2. The day I finally realized that I was black...and not brown. It blew my damn mind

The slip and slide and I have had a few good moments when I was younger. One time I went down the slip and slide and managed to take out my father...who was holding a plate of chicken(how fucking ironic).

Needless to say he was not to happy.

Yesterday was one of those moments. Lets just say that I was not in my right mind at the time and I happened to be in my underwear. The same underwear I am wearing as I write this. Now please do not misconstrue me as a "naked" drunk because I am the exact opposite.

When I am drunk I like everyone else naked. Not me.

Well I went down that slip and slide and it was a fun experience. Now when I had to go and shower off and I was in my friends shower trying to work the damn thing and Steve had to help me...that is another...very gay story.

No Homo.

After this I decided to head to Wendy's with Andrew. Now since I am a complete idiot I decided to dance outside of the drive through. Looking through the car I noticed that the car next to me was watching. I do not think he like when I said his girlfriend were as hot as his rims.

Ugh.

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7.20.2008

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I QUIT ZUMIEZ

I QUIT ZUMIEZ.

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My Daily Rant - 7.20.08 - Jacques Likes Sex With Himself

I stumble upon a lot of things that all manage to spark my interest. When I stumble on liquor it allows me to spark my interest with many other things and stumble all OVER more things. When I stumble upon women, well, let us just say it is not always a fun time.

I leave them so unsatisfied.

I managed to stumble on the website Stuff Educated Black People like today and it told me over 30 things I should like. I do not like when people tell me what to do. But since it is another Educated Black Person telling me than I am completely fine with that. I must say that the things on that list are extremely true.

I love talking about uneducated black people.

I love baked and not fried chicken.

And I especially love Oprah. (Seriously though, I would so smash. Do not hate.)

But why does it always have to be stuff a certain race likes.

PS. My mother is a weirdo. As I am writing this I have Michael Jackson - Human Nature playing and she loves Michael Jackson. Since she has no idea where the music is coming from, she stopped in the middle of her walk and started dancing and singing the song. When I say this, picture a middle aged black women holding a Vitamin Water, doing a JIG in the middle of the basement.

Anyway, what about stuff Jacques Likes? Here is a list of 10 things Jacques Likes. Fuck Educated Black People.

  1. Black people - they give me something to write about
  2. Making fun of white people that were just beat up by black people.
  3. Sex...with himself.
  4. That was a joke. I love joking about myself.
  5. Buying something for someone, then breaking it, and doing a dance as I just make fun of them...for me breaking it.
  6. Cam'ron - because he shoots up the funeral than Harlem Shakes at it.
  7. Texting someone...after they just called me.
  8. Money...it makes me cum.
  9. Being completely subliminal.
  10. Leaving her completely unsatisfied.

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Kanye will attend the Democratic Convention.

Kanye cannot just stay out of my blog can he? Apparently Kanye West is to appear at the Democratic Convention along with N.E.R.D and Wyclef Jean. They will perform at the MTV Rock The Vote Campaign and just by chance Sen. Barack Obama himself will be in attendance.

Do you want to know the funny thing about Rock the Vote? It does not even work. Half of the people that are on the TV telling my lazy ass to go and vote cannot vote themselves. That is like a nun telling me to not have sex or a cat telling me not to bark.

Or me telling a girl not to menstruate.

Seriously stop menstruating it ruins my whole..sex vibe.

I also find it funny that Kanye West is going to the Democratic Convention and not the Rebublican Convention. I think he is banned from all things "republican" for calling Bush out on his "folly".

Thanks to Hiphopdx.com.


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